There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple, English muffins were not invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies... while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet at all, are meats. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slow, boxing rings are square

and a guineapig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't ring, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So. one moose, two meese? One index, 2 indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Do people have noses that run and feet that smell? And do they park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How does a slim chance and fat chance be the same while wise man and wise guy are opposite? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm goes off by going on. When stars are out, they are visible but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.