Nonverbally, you show you're a skilled listener by maintaining steady eye contact. Remember how you respond to the social gadabout who appears to be looking over your shoulder for the next person he wants to corner. Remember, and avoid that habit.

　　Use the name of a new acquaintance frequently. "Judy, I like that suggestion." "Your vacation must have been exciting, Fred." You show that you have paid attention from the start, catching the name during the introduction. Equally as important, you'll make conversations more personal by including the listener's name several times.

　　Be careful with humor. Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away from sarcastic remarks that could backfire. Because you don't know a stranger's sensitivities, prolonged joking might establish barriers you can't overcome, either now or later.

　　Follow Dr. Wayne Dyer's advice, offered in his wonderful book "Real Magic," by "giving up the need to be right." Confrontations with somebody you've just met will destroy rapport before you even start building it. Wait until you have established credibility before you challenge another's statements.

　　Appearance counts. Several years ago, a professional colleague offered to meet me for lunch. I decided against wearing a suit, opting for a sport coat and tie. When he showed up in shorts and sandals, the message he conveyed was: "Bill, meeting you is a rather ordinary experience, and doesn't call for me to present a business-like appearance." Not surprisingly, that was the last time I met with him.

　　True, standards for appropriate attire have changed drastically. Maybe the best advice I can share came from a participant in a seminar I conducted. She said, "I don't dress for the job I have now, I dress for the job I want to have."

As a communication specialist, I have to point out that an individual's speaking style impacts the first impression, maybe more than we wish. Listeners